[Under those soothing strokes, his body continues to rage, leaking blood and drool and tears. Chewed-up nails biting into Alfred's skin with the desperation of needing that apology to mean something. But the sorry he thought he wanted, thought he needed, thought could maybe begin to patch over that Ed-shaped hole in his heart is sucked into that emptiness. Nothing changes.
Bathing, dressing, existing: he tried his best. He showed up for Ed, gritting his teeth and accepting the bitter cost of survival just long enough to see his best friend put in the ground. As if that could make things right by Ed. Could make amends. Ed doesn't need his tears now any more than he did when they stood on the pier with a loaded gun between them, back when Oswald still believed that his love could fix everything. But they're all he has left to give, until his lungs ache and heave and nothing but a thin, strained whimper comes out. Alfred is sorry and Ed's still dead and tomorrow seems so far away, impossibly far. Like a jump he just can’t make any way he looks at it.
He peels his hot, wet face from Alfred’s chest. Pulling free, turning away. This isn't his room; he doesn't belong here either. But he's already slumping into bed, his head throbbing savagely.]
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Bathing, dressing, existing: he tried his best. He showed up for Ed, gritting his teeth and accepting the bitter cost of survival just long enough to see his best friend put in the ground. As if that could make things right by Ed. Could make amends. Ed doesn't need his tears now any more than he did when they stood on the pier with a loaded gun between them, back when Oswald still believed that his love could fix everything. But they're all he has left to give, until his lungs ache and heave and nothing but a thin, strained whimper comes out. Alfred is sorry and Ed's still dead and tomorrow seems so far away, impossibly far. Like a jump he just can’t make any way he looks at it.
He peels his hot, wet face from Alfred’s chest. Pulling free, turning away. This isn't his room; he doesn't belong here either. But he's already slumping into bed, his head throbbing savagely.]